Long story short, I’ve had to deal with thefts, pseudo-homelessness, family issues, cat corpses, and teenage otaku, keeping me from reporting on gaming like I should’ve been doing.

Time to fix that. I hope. If nothing else, I should at least try to punch out something. I’ve got this blog, anyway.

I’ve got a couple things in mind. First off is some live video streaming. Things are still in the works (read: I’m still trying to figure out how everything works) so if you see a quick clip of me on camera doing something stupid (which is, for that matter, most of what I do on camera) then just roll with it. It’ll all get better soon.

Just gotta keep telling myself that.

Also, the Distortion World? In Platinum? CRAZY SHIT. Crazy.

… or, it’s already kinda broken. Apparently, WordPress doesn’t support these newfangled iframe tags, and so I have to redirect the blog to the following url. So there!

http://www.coveritlive.com/index2.php?option=com_altcaster&task=viewaltcast&altcast_code=1ea4844d43&height=550&width=470

In any event, there will be a record left of the liveblog, so you can go back and read it at your leisure.

And now, the thrilling commencement of That Game With The Really Long Title.

I was out in very unfavorable Pittsburgh conditions last night to get my hands on a copy (third one out the door, hehheh…) and will have video content in the near future! That’s coverage of my time on the line, C-Streaming the Subspace Emissary (Cleared as of 11:12 AM Sunday Morning), and hopefully some throw-downs with visitors to the studio. In any event, stay tuned!

Also, Squirtle 4tw.

First new game I’ve purchased since November.

I’ve got beer, I’ve got brats, I’ve got Good & Plenty…

…

… What the fuck is the plural of “Good & Plenty?”

In any event. Where’s my lucky chopstick…

19:57 – I could really use a piece of software to make liveblogging more efficient. I guess this could be considered liveblogging, right? I’m eager to incorporate a new buzzword.

20:00 – Switch on. (Hello, old friend…)

20:01 – Looks like it’s retaining all the important parts: Campaign, multiplayer, map-building utils (Always fun, that). Conspicuously missing is a shop to buy new maps, though I get the feeling that the ability to trade maps online is meant to supplant that idea. Also, I think I spy a sound test. Rockin’.

20:02 – “Restore hope to a dying world as you lead your ragtag  army through a postapocalyptic wasteland.” I think this is the first Nintendo title to use the word “postapocalyptic.”

20:04 – Campaign mode, start. This is usually how one jumps into an Advance Wars title…

20:05 – My God. It’s Fist of Advance North Star Wars: Obligatory Subtitle.

20:07 – Ok. This sure feels different. I’ve seen quite a few Advance Wars in my day, and this has me a bit jarred. I will sit enraptured through the tutorials.

20:11 – It plays like Advance Wars. It looks… nothing like Advance Wars. Gone are the days of chibi infantry. Gone are cute split-screen fights. The battle takes both screens now, looks more cinematic but I’m not sure if I’m sold on the top-and-bottom feel. It’s… similar enough to make me kinda comfortable, and many of the existing strategies seem to apply, but… it’s just different enough to keep you on edge. And I think that’s what they want.

20:15 – Units can LEVEL UP? Should I be posting this at RandomNPC? I’d wished long and hard for something just like this.

20:18 – I think I like the idea of mid-battle intel briefings. The Advance Wars series has always had a good deal of hand-waving when it comes to accuracy of concepts; Days of Ruin seems to be bringing the out-there, pseudo-fantasy combat a little bit closer to earth. (A little bit.)

20:20 – DS Stylus be damned. The last Advance Wars game felt comfortable enough without touch-controls; this one doesn’t seem to be forcing the matter, either. (Perhaps this is because I picked up the series on the GBA and have been more comfortable with this style from the get-go. Still, more options are more options.)

20:21 – Victory seems to be tabulated the same as in previous iterations. However… I don’t think I’m a fan of the fonts. They just look kinda blocky and out-of-place. Either give us something really rugged-looking or… I dunno. It just doesn’t feel right.

20:24 – “That was your stomach rumbling? I thought we were under attack!” Oh, you goofy heavy. Always with a dull sense of humor, even in the most hellish nightmare world! (Also, canned bread? I’ll take my chances with the meteors, TYVM.)

20:29 – Familiarity breeds contempt… Or, in other words, I’m used to having to double-select a unit, first to select it, then to select “Move” from the menu. Here, selecting it once puts you in “move” mode, and the second selects “Stay…” This’ll take some un-learning.

20:31 – Hey, I found a hot chick in the rubble! Can we keep her?

20:35 – 150pts. for Technique? Must be from fulfilling a plot condition or something. I wonder how many endings might be branching off of something like this…

20:37 – We interrupt this Advance War to bring you a point-counterpoint discussion on the nature of human civilization. I actually have to commend ‘em for this one. In these post-apocalyptic scenes, one tends to find the scraps of humanity hanging onto “law,” but has anyone really questioned “why?”

20:40 – “You’re too young to be one of them raiders. Maybe you’re OK after all.” EXCELLENT SURVIVAL STRATEGY, BILL. Someone’s never seen Elfen Lied…

20:42 – “They have tanks! We have sticks and rocks!” QUOTABLE.

20:48 – Well, at least the tutorial fights don’t seem -as- tutorial-ish as they have in previous iterations. I’m going to take that as a good sign.

20:51 – I’m going to refer to this NPC as “Mayor McAbouttodickyouoverwithcheese.”

20:53 – DEAR GOD, THEY’VE MANAGED TO FIT FOG OF WAR INTO THE STORYLINE. Took ‘em long enough!

20:55 – There’s something to be said about putting the NPC interactions into what would be the most logical moves on the board… It takes confidence on the part of the designer to trust the player to behave logically… And I don’t know if that’s ever a safe assumption.  (Also, the difference between plains and wasteland is really tough to see.)

20:57 – Hey, another new unit! Flare Cannon: exposes a two-square radius area in Fog of War conditions. Useful. There’s something to be said about innovation…

21:08 – Yay, we drove off the bandits! But what’s this? Mayor McRecedingHairline doesn’t have the purest of intentions? That’s just the way things go, in Albuquerque!

21:13 – So, meteors fell, and the mayor’s a tool. I think that’s the story so far.

21:14 – Amnesiac chick is a walking, talking botanical textbook. Thank you for the details on the Cattleya, princess, now do you do shiny shit or not?

21:15 – Or, she names herself after the fucking flower.

21:16 – Will: OBJECTION!!!

21:17 – Sustained! Isabella it is.

21:19 – LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, REGINALD VELJOHNSON!

21:20 – “I used to be a resident… but now I’m a PRESIDENT!” Oh ho! Oh ho ho ho ho ho!” Nintendo, next time, can the Paper Mario team when trying to write post-apocalyptic dialogue. If this were an actual End of Days, this guy would’ve taken a shotgun butt to the mouth by Mel Gibson or Denis Leary, or both!

21:24 – Aww, no more chibi foot soldier jumping up and down on a building to capture it?

21:28 – It’s gonna take me a while to get used to things not being in the places they used to be. (Of course, I parked a bike on a city, shouldn’t the default be to capture?)

21:35 – “He’s an amazing man, but his jokes are terrible.” Really? Didn’t notice.

This seems like a good spot to break it off. I’d been eagerly anticipating a new Advance Wars title… and while the setting might not do it for me, the gameplay seems as good if not better than Dual Strike (without the cartoonish spamming of CO Powers all over the place… although I have been known to play a mean Colin…)

Yep. It’s January. The most dreary time of the year. The excess and joyous emotion of the holidays are over, and we’re left until February with nothing to do but read the Smash Bros. Blog and dissect every screenshot, video, encrypted email, dog whistle, and fart Sakurai gives us in hopes of maybe catching a glimpse of Lucario’s Up+B attack. (My money’s on Sky Uppercut.)

I myself have been slogging through a lengthy kitchen renovation, coupled with the pre-Superbowl rush at work, which has left me with very little time for gaming. That which I’ve been able to spare has been focused upon Soul Nomad and the World Eaters, which I’m remiss in reviewing and I apologize.

I’d be tempted to make promises… but that’s my usual sign of desperation. Horrible thing, though, is that it tends to work.

Eh, why not. New RandomNPC link and review (of either Soul Nomad and/or the new Advance Wars, which I need to get my mitts on) by Superbowl Sunday, or double your money back.

So! Without further ado… the Review in 106 of Spice and Wolf. (I think that preamble is longer than the piece itself…)

We’ve heard it all before: technology is destroying older culture, monotheistic religions are bastards, and furries are pervading damn near everything. That being said, this Scrapped-Princess-meets-Okami tale certainly felt good to watch. Lawrence, traveling merchant, visits a farming town whose prosperity is owed to cunning allegiances and more efficient agricultural practices… meaning they have no use for the wolf-god-spirit-thing that -used- to safeguard their wheat. Now said spirit (manifest as a naked chick) is bored and wants to hitch a ride to her homelands back north. However, leave it to the church to cock things up. (This is the cost of having a tail in public.)

Well, I’ve been in negotiations.

What sort of negotiations? Well, it’s got something to do with an RPG commune, and being found on the side of the road, mumbling something about bacon. They gave me soup and blankets, and I figured the least I could do to repay them would be to write a couple pieces or something.

Or I’m just talking out me bum. That being said, I wrote a piece over on RandomNPC.com, which you should totally read.

This site will continue to be updated, with links to RandomNPC for any RPG reviews or editorials I write for them. Call it the “Paul Lukas” treatment.

To celebrate (and because Scott Ramsoomair got the goddamned song stuck in my head), here’s my take on FFXII:RW prior to the official review…

… to the tune of “Still Alive” by Jonathan Coulton. Yes, the song from Portal.

This isn’t easy…
I’m up on the fence here, can’t decide…
The story’s great, but man…
This ain’t no Warcraft.
Ivalice Alliance
Is making the games all look the same.
The sprites ripped from Tactics Advance
don’t capture Fran’s sexy side…
But it’s not that bad
just a weak RTS
Still, the franchise faces
carry it, I confess
So keep poking Ramuh
‘Cuz it’s all you can do
In Final Fantasy XII
Revenant Wings

Thought this was strategy…
Why should I have to levelgrind?
The difficulty curve
spikes like stilettos…
It starts out real easy.
A zerg rush or two, and then, you’re done…
But when you get around the end
You’d better pray for some luck
All the hostiles have
twenty levels on you
They respawn for free
don’t you wish you could, too?
It’s just morbid and mean
you’ll jam your stylus through your screen
In Final Fantasy XII
Revenant Wings

Why should I keep playing?
Perhaps it’s because the cast kicks ass.
The gang’s all here,
and on a brand new airship!
Balthier’s still pimpin’…
Did I mention Fran is back? HELL YEAH.
No Cloud, no Squall, no emo chumps
To angst all over the place
So I guess it’s worth it
for the story it tells
Never mind controlling it’s
its own special hell
But who cares, anyway?
There’s Viera boo-tay
In Final Fantasy XII
Revenant Wings

It gets tough near the end, Revenant Wings…
When I say “Tough,” I mean “TOUGH,” Revenant Wings…
Break your DS in half, Revenant Wings…
Regret it later, Revenant Wings…
Post to LJ about Revenant Wings…
Filk a song to review Revenant Wings…
Revenant Wings…
Revenant Wings…